For example, some autistic children, especially young children, may hit their parents when they are upset. Some parents, especially in stressful situations or after a particularly difficult day, may write in the heat of the moment that their child is purposely disrupting a space, or harming them. Misinterpreting behaviors as negative intentions Whether it seems like a good reason to the parent or not, it’s still a reason which likely needs to be understood and supported. I often say that with almost any behavior, there’s almost always a reason for it. Some parents have also thought their autistic child was intentionally being manipulative, rather than in sensory distress or genuinely upset. A parent may have misinterpreted the child’s stressed out tone of voice as anger or defiance. For example, “Her autism made us have to stay home for the day.” This subtlety implies the autistic child is the problem, instead of addressing the autistic child’s distress with leaving the house.Īnother example is when autistic children are being interpreted as “talking back” to the parent, when often the child is asking a question or wants to clarify a statement due to anxiety. What is the best way to help her in that situation?”Īnother way parents often blame “the autism” is by framing “the autism” as doing something, as if it’s separate from the child. How can I stop her from melting down?”Ī way to be more empathetic to your child might be, “Suzie was so distressed and overwhelmed in the grocery store today and had a meltdown. It was so awful, and people just stared at us. Many of these questions are presented like this: “Suzie was so disruptive at the grocery store today and had a meltdown. This is why some questions can come across as venting about their autistic child rather than genuinely asking for support. However, those days are often when parents of autistic kids want help. Parents have rough days sometimes, whether or not their child is autistic. “Severe autism/high-functioning autism” are not diagnostic terms, nor are they very helpful. You can qualify what struggles you’re currently having by simply explaining the details relevant to the advice you’re seeking or obstacle your child is facing. Functioning labels aren’t specific to individuals and only perpetuate myths about autistic people. Usually, just saying “autistic” is enough.Īnother term that might be helpful is “high support needs,” but again, only clarify that if it’s relevant information. Instead of “severe autism,” say “autistic and nonspeaking” or “autistic with epilepsy” or “autistic with an intellectual disability.”Īnd really, only say those things if it’s relevant to the question you’re asking. Don’t use functioning labelsĪlthough functioning labels may be used by doctors or psychologists, aside from the Level 1/2/3 autism diagnoses, they are not diagnostic terms. Ask yourself if your language is respectful of both the autistic adults you’re asking emotional labor from, as well as to your autistic child. It’s important for parents to remember that when their child grows up, their child may be the one giving advice to parents.Īsk yourself how you would like your autistic child to be treated in that situation. Sometimes, especially on bad or stressful days for parents, these questions can be shrouded in ableism and venting about the autistic child, even sometimes blaming them. But we also need parents to understand that we get many questions every week or even every day about helping their children, and it takes an emotional toll. Parenting is hard, regardless of neurotype. Many autistic adults understand that parents new to their child’s autism diagnosis will inevitably say something “wrong” or offensive, whether it’s using the terms “severe autism/high-functioning autism,” using person-first language (“with autism”) to refer to all autistic people, or misinterpreting their child’s behavior as having negative intentions toward the parent. Here are a few guidelines on how to respectfully ask an autistic person for advice: There are a lot of supportive facebook groups which allow parents to ask for advice and insight from autistic adults. Naturally, parents have a lot of questions about autism when their child is first diagnosed. Choosing a Good– or Bad– Therapist for Your Autistic Child.Directory of NeuroDivergent Graphic Designers & Illustrators.Directory of Specialists Diagnosing Autism (ASD) in Adults.Directory of NonSpeaker Pages, Blogs, & Media.AAC: Augmentative & Alternative Communication.
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